It’s been awhile since my company was the blank page. It’s hard to even believe it’s taken me this long to get back. With great pain and the passage of time the words start to flow out again. I always feel such chaos whenever my emotions seem to be taking over my body. It hardly seems fair. A lot of people might use the opportunity to abuse various drugs, alcohol, or sex. Oh, not me, I’ve changed my ways!
I’ve heard people say that the people that are the most sensitive are the ones that get hurt the most. Maybe, just maybe, they are also the ones that fucking snap at times and people should be kinder to one another. I almost can understand some of the violence circulating around the world these days. The car bombs, the murdering of police officers, the violent films and movies. BOMB BOMB BOMB. It’s all just so you can feel something again. People do these things because they want someone else to feel the pain they felt at some point. It must make sense at the time. Not saying it’s right. In fact, every time I see these awful things people do to one another another tiny piece of my heart shatters. I’m not even sure how I’m being held together at this point.
The older I get the more I realize that the pain is never really going to end. It’s just going to keep coming in one way or another. You can’t even be prepared for it anymore. All you can do is hope that you can somehow deal with it all. I have to say though, I’m running low on optimism. The world just feels so fucking ludicrous to me. TRUST NO ONE. ALL YOU HAVE IS YOURSELF. WE ALL DIE ALONE.