Friday, August 29, 2008


Good day to you,
The distributor in Wake county is Old Dominion Slush Puppie and they can be contacted at (276)326-1413. They will be able to provide you with a list of retailers in your area. Thank you.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Capital Area Transit

I haven't had a car since summer of 2006 and that's okay with me. I can't believe it's been two years already. I guess you can say that I've kind of cheated. When I volunteered we all shared a "community van" and I had a van that I could drive for work. It's not like I had loads of money to put gas in the thing though so my driving around entailed taking clients to food pantries, walmart, and the ever famous larry's meat market. Not exactly a drive to the beach.
Before Josh moved here I lived with Claire and she had a car so if I ever got really stuck I could give her a call and a few dollars. On a few occasions I tried to use the bus for all the normal tasks that people do. I rode the bus to the grocery store on a few occasions. The first time I remember really well. I was going to the Food Lion which from what I remembered was just around the corner. I somehow missed the bus going to the store because I couldn't figure out which side of the street I was supposed to be on so I figured I would just walk. This took me probably about 30 mins and I wasn't even walking slow. It was one of those late August days in Raleigh where the air just seems to be sticking to you in droplets. I imagined that anyone driving by could surely see how hot I was and was pointing and laughing at me. At one point I had to stop and look around because I wasn't even sure I was going in the right direction or on the right road. I figured I was just dehydrated and kept going. I don't think Food Lion/Big Lots have ever looked more appealing as they did to me that day when I finally reached the parking lot.
For some reason I didn't bring any of my own bags that day which meant that I had to carry about five plastic bags. Oh and did I mention that we needed milk? so throw in a gallon of milk. I don't know what I was thinking when I was shopping but it seemed like the only thing I bought were cans! I considered lots of things after I left the store and was standing in the parking lot watching everyone else get into their cars. I could just run up and jump in one and beg that they take me back to Hillsborough st. I could call a cab except I didn't have any cash. I could take the bus. So I decided that I would try to take the bus. I watched one bus go by a stop that said inbound. I still couldn't figure out if I wanted to go inbound (towards downtown) or outbound... I had no idea where my apartment was in relation to any of these stops. I decided to just walk back to where I knew one of the stops/routes and wait however long it took for the bus to arrive.
The bus finally arrived and it didn't have working air but I didn't care one bit. I was grateful for the ride and decided that next time I would decide what to buy more carefully. Nice light loaves of bread, angel food cake, and maybe some popcorn.


Monday, August 25, 2008

slush puppy wuppy

Okay seriously... where do I find one of these delicious frozen beverages?

I sent an email through the website with no response. I have now left a message with corporate sales on the East coast. I am not sure if I am part of the southern region or the east coast. Technically I think NC is on the east coast and in the south. but who am I? I'm just a person that craves the scrumptious sweetness of a blue raspberry slush puppy. or perhaps a bahama mama.

Last night I had a snow cone but it just wasn't the same thing!

Machines on ebay are selling for like $500... so I can't imagine what a brand new one would cost.

Monday, August 18, 2008

no recent revelations

i see those tropical storms heading for the coast. I say bring them on! i have always enjoyed a nice rain. the timing for me couldn't be more perfect. i have absolutely nothing even remotely interesting going on right now.

I've applied for every teaching job that I could find in three counties and still nothing. no phone calls, no emails, no interviews. how can it be possible to be so difficult to find a job in my degree? i can't or don't want to be a journalist because the starting pay is so low. i wouldn't be able to afford my loans.

my little brother is getting ready for his senior year of HS and he has started thinking about where he might like to go. of course when i was in HS i dedicated almost all four years to trying to decide what career i wanted to do and getting college applications mailed to me. at one time i had an entire box filled with colleges. i had applications sent from princeton and harvard just for fun. i had information on programs ranging from forestry to journalism. For the longest time i thought that i wanted to write for Popular Science. or at least be some type of science oriented journalist. looking back now, i suppose that was a marine biologist sort of pipe dream. no one ever told me that really it's just all about making money. you can have all sorts of dreams but that doesn't mean you will get a job doing it!

i just remember that time for me so vividly that i am so tempted to just tell him it's all a waste of time. education is a waste of money. they will rob you and then leave you jobless! don't do it! but then for what? a future working at temp services or in retail? those jobs will rob you of your soul. last christmas season i tried working at ann taylor loft. i loved the discount and even dressing up wasn't all that bad. i hated all the petty conversations i had to listen to about how much is on their credit cards from clothes shopping or fashion freaks chatting about the latest pair of shoes they bought. i just hated it. i hated going after a while. i hated faking every minute that i existed there. i didn't feel like i learned anything at all. this job was certainly not improving my resume. so one particularly shitty day... i just called and told them i wasn't going to come in that weekend at all or ever again.

Now I have to wonder as I am waiting for a teaching job and trying to figure out how I can stay working here beyond December. I already have a flight booked home for December and it is against Salvation Army policy to take any time off in the months of November or December.

stuck. that is exactly where i am. trapped inside my head, my body, my life.

i have become so angry. it's like black tar filling up my insides suffocating any other emotion.

Monday, August 11, 2008

silence! i am about to speak ...

i always hate starting something new because i can never figure out exactly how that should be done. so for this particular adventure i'm just going to start in the middle.

i am in the middle right now. in the middle of a lease, in the middle of loan payments, in the middle of a job transition, in the middle of buying a car, and in the middle of my workday. it's a very boring place to be. i know that i have to be patient. i have never really been a person that likes to sit still or that likes silence.

i remember about a year ago i had to go on a silent retreat which i assumed was going to be one of the worst experiences of my life. when i opened the door to the room i stayed in i noticed a kneeler facing a crucifix and i just started laughing. yeah right! i could just imagine myself kneeling there with my prayer hands staring at the wall all weekend. i found out that the silence wasn't so bad after all. it made you listen to the thoughts in your own mind and help sort things out a bit. i found myself journaling, painting, and spending an immense time outside in the cool summer air. i watched a trail of aunts for about half an hour, played with blades of grass, and walked around admiring the awesome beauty of nature.

it's easy to forget about all of this when you are trapped in an office 40 hours a week or in a city where the only grass you see is brown.