Saturday, August 20, 2011

No direction home

Why is it so hard to figure out what you want to do? I've been thinking about this a lot lately seems how I was unable to find a teaching job. Actually, I had a teaching job but I decided that it was too far away and I just thought I will find something where I live, even if it isn't teaching. I am always so hopeful! Now the first week of teachers being back at school has passed me by and I'm starting to feel a little anxious. It doesn't help that my only job right now is lifeguarding and everyday people ask me when I'm going back to school. They always mistake me for a high school or college student. All day I just sit in the chair starring at the water wondering what in the world I'm doing there. Why aren't I setting up my classroom?! The economy has been in the shitter ever since I graduated college, pretty much. I thought for sure teaching would be a guaranteed job! It seems like everyone wants to be a teacher in Raleigh. Especially white women. But what else can I do? I guess I'm just freewheelin' it. Something has to happen eventually.

All I can think of right now is Bob Dylan during times like these:

How does it feel?
To be on your own
No direction home
A complete unknown
Like a rolling stone.